


Us Traitors Never Win

by 221blackandwhitestripes



Series: The Sound Of Your Heart [9]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Hotels, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Season/Series 03, Stealth Crossover, Tetch Virus, Trust Issues, Vacation, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:15:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28707264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blackandwhitestripes/pseuds/221blackandwhitestripes
Summary: Ed had read somewhere that the biggest calamities in the world were not caused by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad but by people being fundamentally people.But as his head smacked against the wall and his vision blurred, he began to disagree…
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Series: The Sound Of Your Heart [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1018875
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Us Traitors Never Win

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been in the works for so long. The story's changed a thousand times, but now it's finally typed out and finished and I'm really happy with it. This is the climax of the series and the longest installment yet!
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy it!
> 
> Songs of choice: [Getaway Car](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhPLQVlUiNQ&ab_channel=TaylorSwift-Topic) by _Taylor Swift_
> 
> And Without You because I decided to add it in the middle for some reason?

_It was the great escape_  
_The prison break_  
_The light of freedom on my face_  
_But you weren't thinking_  
_And I was just drinking_  
_While he was running after us_  
_I was screaming, "Go, go, go!"_  
_But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow_  
_And a circus ain't a love story_  
_And now we're both sorry_  
_X marks the spot_  
_Where we fell apart_  
_He poisoned the well_  
_I was lying to myself_  
_I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed_  
_It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart_  


Ed had read somewhere that the biggest calamities in the world were not caused by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad but by people being fundamentally _people_.

But as his head smacked against the wall and his vision blurred, he began to disagree…

?¿?¿?

It began simply enough: a getaway car pulling up outside the Van Dahl Manor, Ed pushing the keys into his pocket as he stepped out and walked to the door.

“Oswald!” He called, knocking loudly.

The door opened, Oswald’s reddened face appearing. “ _Ed_ ,” he hissed, “I told you not to knock, you were supposed to _text_ –”

“Is that Riddler? Omg! Omg!”

Oswald’s face fell and he knocked his forehead against the edge of the door. “Fuuuuck.”

Young Ivy’s bright face appeared behind him, her threadbare green sweater hung around her hips as she stood in the doorway in shorts and T-shirt.

“Riddler, hi!”

Ed snorted. He had to admit, Oswald’s new friend was sweet in a way just twisted enough to be tolerable. “It’s nice to see you again, Ivy.” He tilted his head, checking her outfit again. “Aren’t you cold?”

“ _Thank you_ for showing concern, _Ed,_ ” She shot a look at Oswald and Ed snorted again, “But I’ve been working in the greenhouse and it’s pretty warm in there.”

“Ah,” he nodded, “Of course. Still, I could find you something warmer. Bring back a souvenir?”

“Oh my God, you’re the coolest. You’re like a weirdo uncle.” Ed pursed his lips but judging from her tone she meant it as a compliment. 

“Ivy, please,” Oswald rolled his eyes. “If you want to be helpful, you can go get my suitcase.”

“No, I’ll–” Ed tried to offer.

“Ivy will get it,” Oswald snapped.

Ivy rolled her eyes but left anyway. Ed frowned. “Why must you be harsh to her?”

“Why must _you_ play at ‘Mr. Uncle Friendliness’?”

“Um, what?”

“What are you playing at?” He hissed.

“I’m… not.” Ed thought for a moment. _Was_ he playing at something? Maybe he hadn’t noticed. Well, he supposed he could be trying to get in with her so that… she would like him. But that wasn’t… bad. Was it? Was he being dishonest? Pretending to be someone nicer than he was?

“Cut it out,” Oswald snapped. “It’s exhausting.”

“O...kay.” Ed nodded, not sure what he’d agreed to. “Are you ready to go?”

“Do you _see_ my suitcase in my hand?”

Ed laughed, shaking his head. “Somebody fell over on their way out of bed this morning.” Oswald’s face changed colour. “Wait, did you actually fall out of b–”

“No!” But his eyes were wide. “Shut up, Ed!”

Ed bent over double with laughter. “Oh my, that’s– that’s the _funniest_ thing, oh my!”

“Shut _up_ , Ed!”

“What’re yous laughing at?” Ivy asked and Ed looked up through his tears to see her struggling with Oswald’s gigantic suitcase.

“Os… Os,” He had to pause and take a moment to control himself and breathe deeply once more, “Oswald totally fell out of bed this morning.”

Ivy blinked once and then she was cackling with him, dropping Oswald’s suitcase with a _bang_ so she could lean against the doorjamb.

“Shut up, both of you! Fuck, Ivy, you better not have cracked that, it’s Louis Vuitton.”

“Language, babe!” Ed exclaimed through his giggles.

“You’re milking it, now,” Oswald snapped. “I’m tempted to cancel–”

“No, don’t.” He stopped laughing immediately. “We _have_ to…” he cleared his throat, “I mean, it was _very_ expensive.”

Oswald was looking at him from beneath lowered eyebrows. “...Right.”

“Okay!” Ivy chirped, still giggling, “Goodbye you two.”

“Yes, goodbye, Miss Pepper,” Ed smiled at her, walking up the steps to take Oswald’s suitcase… which may or may not have been full of cement with the way Ed’s entire body screamed concern when he tried to lift it. “Um, I’ll just–” He pulled the handle out, “–Roll it.”

Oswald rolled his eyes, turning to whisper something to Ivy. Ed bit his tongue, wanting to listen in, but he knew Oswald would probably gut him or threaten not to come again so he just rolled the suitcase to the trunk and lifted it in beside his own.

“Roadtrip?” Ed jumped when he turned to see Oswald inches from him.

“Yes,” he straightened his glasses, “Roadtrip.”

And Oswald smiled like the barrel of a shotgun.

?¿?¿?

“Have you ever been to Star City?” Ed asked. He’d been eyeing the mile count for the last two hours, watching it climb higher and higher. With each tick over, he felt himself relax one little bit more, settling back in the driver’s seat.

“Can’t say I have,” Oswald pondered out loud, “Unless… there was that one time when I had that _really_ wild night. Say, does Star City have a beach?”

“Um,” Ed thought back, “Several.”

“Yeah, there’s a chance.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Well, this still counts as your first time, since you can’t remember otherwise.”

He glanced over to watch his boyfriend shrug. “If you say so.”

Another mile down. Ed _breathed_.

?¿?¿?

An hour later, they were crossing Dayleyville Bridge, the glittering buildings lining Starcity’s coast shining before them.

“What do you think?” Ed asked, glancing over at him.

Oswald hummed, “A little similar to Metropolis, no?”

“Metropolis with beaches,” Ed agreed, “That’s what our Yelp review will read.”

Oswald snorted. “Whatever.” And Ed grinned.

?¿?¿?

“ _This_ Hotel?”

“I-I told you I picked something expensive.” Despite the distance from Gotham, Ed was still jittery, glancing furtively at his partner. “You… you do _like_ it, don’t you?”

“Well–”

“Because I can still change it!” Ed hastened to add, “We can go somewhere else!”

Oswald frowned. “I thought you said this was costing you a lot?”

“Um…” It _was_ , but it wasn’t like Ed couldn’t afford it.

“You really think I’m some kind of jerk who’s gonna make my fuck-buddy change our hotel? What kind of princess do you take me for?”

Ed found himself smirking. “A pretty one?”

Oswald rolled his eyes, “Oh, _fuck off_.” Ed snickered. “You can take my luggage in for that.”

He shrugged. “I was going to do that anyway.”

The Stargazer Hotel’s front lobby shone gold and rich blue, the glittering chandeliers suspended from the high ceiling casting subtle pinpricks of light that occasionally caught his eye. Pulling his and Oswald’s bag behind him, he stepped up to the front desk and rang the bell.

Then rang it again.

“Hello…?”

Finally, a bellboy stuck his head out of the back office door. “Oh, sorry. I-I don’t know where my boss is.”

“Can you just serve us then?” Oswald sighed. Ed frowned and elbowed him “What?”

“Don’t be rude,” he whispered.

“I wasn’t!”

“Um, yes, what’s your last name?” The bellboy stepped up to the computer.

“Nygma and Cobblepot,” Ed answered. Suddenly, it was Oswald hitting _his_ arm. “Ow!”

“You didn’t use a false name?!”

“Why would I?” Ed answered, “It’s not like we’re here to rob a bank – which we would never do by the way,” he hastened to assure the concierge.

The guy shrugged. “Whatever. Honeymoon suite, right?”

“Yep.” Ed nodded.

“Honeymoon suite?”

“Here’s your keys.”

“Ed, we are _not_ on our honeymoon.”

“Can I... help you with your luggage?”

“Ed, I swear to God, you better not’ve told them we’re on our honeymoon.”

“Yes, _thank_ you,” Ed leaned in, reading the bellboy’s tag, “Todd.”

“No problem, sir,” Todd sighed, stepping out from behind the desk.

“ **ED!** ” Oswald screeched.

“ **WHAT?** ” Ed yelled back.

“ **DID YOU TELL THEM WE ARE ON OUR HONEYMOON???** ”

“ **NO, I DID NOT. SO FOR GOD’S SAKE, STOP SHOUTING!** ” Ed turned back to the concierge. “Sorry.”

“You didn’t puke on me, you’re fine,” Todd replied. “It’s this way to the elevator.”

“Okay,” Ed tilted his head at Oswald, “Coming, _dear?_ ”

 _“Better watch your mouth, motherfucker,”_ Oswald grumbled under his breath, but he followed behind them nonetheless.

The concierge hit the button for the eighth floor. He had a very vacant stare, but it cleared up in a moment as the sound of a ringing cellphone filled the small box. “Shit, sorry.” He pulled out his phone at once. “This is really important, I’m sorry, don’t tell my boss.”

Ed shrugged, pretending not to be interested.

“Sorry, Amanda, I’m at work. Yep. Yep. I’m good for it. Tomorrow. I-I have a late shift. O-okay. I’ll try get out of it. No, no, I can get out of it. It’s fine. Yes, I promise. See you tonight.” Todd hung up with a sigh. “Shit.”

The moment dragged out for too many forevers and Ed found himself saying, “Sounds like you could use a break.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, “Please... don’t tell my boss.”

“We won’t,” Ed promised. Oswald raised his eyebrow at him. “Come on, Oswald, we _won’t_.”

“He doesn’t speak for me,” Oswald imputed, “But I’m not a snitch.”

Ed snorted.

“I’m not,” he hissed.

Ed grinned. “But for the right price…”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

The elevator doors opened. “Um, what letter is on your keys?”

“F,” Ed answered, checking his key.

“Right, sorry.” Todd led the way down the hall, pulling their bags along behind him. “It’s this one.”

The door was a clean off-white with gold and blue detailing. “Please enjoy your stay. And sorry about before.”

“It’s no problem.” Ed fished in his pockets for his wallet, pulling out a twenty. Or should he give him fifty? Or would that make it too obvious that Ed felt bad for him? No. No, fifty was better. “Here.” And… he accidentally gave him both notes. Oops.

“Shit, thanks,” Todd stared at the money for a short moment. “You can, uh, ask for me at the desk if you need anything else.”

Ed nodded. “Thank you, Todd.”

“Yes, thank you, _Todd_ ,” Oswald interrupted, taking his bag from the concierge, “Now, Ed, stop simping.”

“S-simping?” Ed repeated. “What does that…” Oswald was already walking into the room so Ed snagged his suitcase and followed behind, “Oswald, what does simping mean?” The door closed behind him. “Oswald?”

No answer was forthcoming.

Oswald flopped onto the bed with a hiss. “Shit.” 

Ed’s chest tightened. “What’s wrong?”

“My leg’s killing me.” Oswald punched the leg in question then cursed under his breath.

“Did that help?”

“Nope,” Oswald snapped, “But it felt good.”

Ed snorted. “Let me have a look.”

Oswald’s lips pursed. “You know I don’t like people touching it, Ed.”

“Since when was I people?” He dismissed lightly while his heart thudded in fear that Oswald was just seconds away from pushing him away again.

Oswald sighed. “Fuck it.” He kicked his foot towards him. “Have at it.”

Ed tried not to look too grateful as he knelt before him and quietly undid his shoelaces. Pushing up Oswald’s pant leg, he could see that his knee was looking a little worse than his ankle, so he’d begin there.

“Lay back for me,” he instructed softly, before going to his suitcase and rummaging around for that inflammation-relief cream he’d bought.

“Whatcha doing?” Oswald mumbled from the bed.

“I’m–I’m just…” Ed brought the cream over, pausing for a moment before searching the room. Going through the door on the right, he found a small sitting room and selected a footstool from in front of one of the chairs and brought it back into the bedroom. Sitting in front of Oswald, he gently began to rub the cream into his knee. His brain buzzed along quietly as his focus narrowed, popping in every now and then with an idle observation about Oswald’s pace of breathing or the feeling of leg hair against his palms.

Ed continued to work down his leg, massaging Oswald's calf muscle slowly.

Slowly, his gaze strayed from Oswald’s leg to his slack face. His eyes fluttered every now and then and his breathing had grown slow and steady.

Ed swallowed, forcing himself to look away even as his heart _ached._ He had no idea why. It shouldn’t be so painful to look at Oswald. His friend. His enemy. His... something.

But sometimes looking at Oswald was like looking at the moon on a cloudless night with the wind whistling by Ed’s ears and an incessant thrum in his chest. And it just hurt how perfect it was.

Ed stared at Oswald's ankle hair and tried to deny it. He’d said it before, but it didn’t really count, did it? It didn’t have to be true, not if he fought it hard enough.

He glanced up and his heart seized again. He’d always been a terrible liar.

He leant down and placed a quiet kiss to Oswald’s ankle bone. “I do,” he whispered quietly.

One cannot deny love.

Oswald stirred above him as if hearing his silent confession. “Ed…”

“Yeah?” Ed took care not to lean on his leg as he relaxed against the bed.

“Ed…” Oswald groaned again.

“Does it still hurt?” Ed sympathised as Oswald shifted on the bed, lifting his hips to get more comfortable. “Oswald?”

“Fuck, your lips feel good.”

Ed’s eyebrows shot up as his brain stalled. What… What did _that_ mean?

Ed glanced back down at Oswald’s ankle bone. “Oh, you mean…” He pressed his lips to it again.

“Yessss…” Oswald hissed, lifting his hips again and pushing his foot into Ed’s chest.

“Okay,” Ed shrugged, smiling a little as he kissed Oswald’s ankle again.

“Fuck, yes,” Oswald mumbled again. Ed frowned. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like something was… off here.

He glanced up again, pulling away a little. Oswald’s jaw was hanging open and his hips were still shifting up and down. And…

Blood rushed to Ed’s cheeks and then to his dick.

Oh. _Oh._ Ed almost fell backwards in his haste to stand up.

“Harder, Ed,” Oswald mumbled, and Ed realised he hadn’t seen him open his eyes in a while or even respond to anything he’d said.

Oswald’s hips were still pumping into the air and there was a low hum on his breath. Yes. Yes, he was having a wet dream.

“Ed,” he moaned again and Ed felt himself respond. Oh dear, oh dear.

Oswald bit his lip and Ed found himself wondering what he was dreaming of. He… he was saying his name rather a lot. That had to mean Ed was in the dream with him. What was he _doing?_

He slowly crept closer to the edge of the bed, taking care not to touch Oswald anywhere.

He was lifting his hips quite vigorously. Maybe he was fucking him in the dream.

Ed’s mouth went dry as the picture flashed in his mind. Leaning closer, he watched Oswald’s eyelashes continue to flutter. He seemed to be enjoying himself a lot. Ed frowned at that. Was the man in Oswald’s dream better than the real Ed leaning over him? He sure hoped not.

“God, I love it when you do that.”

Ed blinked.

_I love it when you do that._

His heart seized.

_Love it when you–_

His legs lost all feeling.

_Love you._

And suddenly the world tipped and he slammed face-first into Oswald’s chest.

“Wha–huh?”

“Oh _dear_ ,” he squeaked.

“Ed? Whuh..?” Ed tried to remain perfectly still, but he was extremely distracted by the rather noticeable erection pressed against his hip. “Whuh’s goin’ on?”

“Um,” Ed planted his hands on the bed to push himself up, accidentally pressing himself harder against Oswald’s cock, “N-nothing!”

Oswald blinked up at him. Then blinked again. “Fuck, _Ed_ ,” he suddenly groaned, pushing at his own face in apparent frustration, “You woke me up?”

“A-accident. I swear,” Ed hurried to answer even as all his attention was narrowed to the hard-on brushing his thigh. “Sorry, um… were you having a nice dream?” Oh no, why did he have to say _that_ of all things?

Oswald looked up at him through spread fingers. “You’re not serious, are you?”

Ed blushed. “Of course not! But–” _Don’t say it, don’t say it, please don’t–_ “I would like to know what it was about.” 

...Shit.

Oswald’s eyebrows quirked. “You were sucking me off, Ed.”

Ed felt himself twitch again. “R-really.”

“Yeah,” he felt Oswald’s hands skim up and down his sides, “You were just getting to the good part too.”

“The good part?”

“Yeah,” Oswald hissed, cupping Ed’s hips, “Deep-throating me so nice and tight and wet.”

“Nghh,” Ed articulated.

“I was so close to losing control,” Somehow Oswald’s hands had landed on his ass, “And just pounding into you,” he thrust up against him, “But then you had to fucking wake me up!”

Ed squeaked as the hand smacked his ass and his world narrowed a little further.

“Cheeky motherfucker,” Oswald growled.

“I’ll make it up to you!” ...He hadn’t meant to say that. But, as the phrase left his lips, he realised it was true.

Oswald’s eyebrows were raised, a smirk curling the corner of his lips and Ed felt hope spark in a tiny corner of his chest.

“Just…” he leaned back, licking his lips, “Close your eyes.” Heart hammering, he watched as slowly, carefully, pointedly Oswald closed his eyes.

He shuffled back down onto his knees, pulling Oswald’s hips to the edge of the bed and Ed was hit by that same climbing rush of excitement he’d felt went driving to Oswald’s place this morning, knowing the getaway they were about to embark on.

Ed opened Oswald’s zip, pulling his pants and underwear down his legs and placing them to the side. Oswald was still half-hard from the dream and Ed found himself revisiting that thought that maybe the dream was better than the real thing.

 _Could it be true?_ he thought as he used his hand to bring Oswald up to full mast. He wasn’t a _terrible_ lover, he was sure of that. But was that enough? He’d never thought to worry about it before, but now the fear shrouded him like a cloak.

Ed licked his lips and tried to ignore it, touching his tongue to Oswald’s tip and swirling.

“Mmm,” Oswald responded softly. That was a good sign, yes?

Ed bobbed his head, enjoying the pull as his lips stretched to accommodate Oswald’s width. He felt a hand fall atop his head encouragingly and bobbed his head again in reply. This was fine. This was what Oswald wanted. That meant it was good, right?

“Ed…” he heard above him. He bobbed his head again. “Ed, what’s going on?”

“Whah?” He tried to answer with his mouthful.

“Ed.” Oswald sat up, pushing him off gently. “You’re being weird. What are you doing?” Oswald sounded almost accusatory, like Ed had a knife behind his back or something.

“I-I’m just…” Ed bit his lip, “Being less than intelligent, I guess.”

Oswald frowned. “What does that mean?

Ed choked because he couldn’t put it into words, not with Oswald looking at him like that. “I just… I…”

“Ed, just say it.”

“Is this….” He hissed between his teeth. “...Good enough? For you, I mean.”

Oswald somehow frowned harder. “What?”

And suddenly Ed couldn’t seem to stop. “It’s just, you were dreaming something… nice, and I think you were dreaming about _me_ , and you seemed to really enjoy it and, I don’t know, I’m just worried because what if I was better in your _dream_ than in reality, you know? I mean, when I thought you were dead, I had those sort of dreams all the time, and they were so _good_. Not as good as the real thing of course, you don’t try to kill me after you kiss me, I mean, most of the time you don’t, that could probably change if I mess up or something, which I really hope I don’t do. Because then a dream really would be better than the real thing and I’d have disappointed you…” Ed stopped to breathe, tears flooding his eyes, “... _again_.”

Oswald blinked at him. Then blinked again. “Well... That was a lot of words.”

Ed laughed, wiping his eyes. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” This wasn’t him! He wasn’t supposed to feel things like this. Not anymore. He’d left that scared little Eddie Nygma behind a long time ago.

_Right?_

Oswald was looking at him like he was some unpredictable, wild animal. “Ed, just… slow down, okay. You know the real you would be better than whatever my sludge-brain came up with.”

Ed shook his head. “You’re smarter than you look, Oswald. Unpredictable and wonderful.”

That only seemed to further Oswald’s confusion. “Umm, okay.” He cleared his throat. “What can I do to… make us go back to how we were.”

Ed laughed again, feeling kind of embarrassed. “I guess you should kiss me to make me shut up.”

Oswald shrugged, not unkindly. “If it works, it works.” And he kissed him and maybe it was stupid but it did still help.

So, _so_ stupid.

He curled his tongue into Oswald’s mouth and slowly relaxed. Even if Ed wasn’t… the best, Oswald was still here. He wouldn’t be here unless he _wanted_ to be, right?

Oswald moaned against him and Ed let that reassure him further. Yes, this was fine. Everything was fine.

?¿?¿?

“Do you wanna order some room service?” Ed asked. There was a helpful little menu on the little coffee table in their room and it listed some very appetising meals. “The dinner menu should be available by now.”

“Do they not have a restaurant?” Oswald asked with a frown. He was lying on the bed with a book he’d been reading for a while, a little furrow in his brow as his eyes tracked the words.

“They do, but I just figured–”

“I’d like to see it,” Oswald told him.

“Okay, then,” Ed agreed. “I just thought… since we’re not usually seen together.”

Oswald pulled the book away from his face. “Oh, right.”

“But, when in Rome!” Ed quickly cut in, hoping Oswald wouldn’t change his mind. “I mean, it’s not like anyone here knows us!”

Oswald nodded. “Quite right. Well, is this appropriate attire.” He stood up and spread out his arms. He was wearing a three-piece suit as per usual, and Ed wasn’t sure how that _couldn’t_ be appropriate attire, but he stepped closer and straightened his tie anyway.

“There you go.” He pressed a kiss to his lips with a grin.

Oswald rolled his eyes. “What would I do without you?”

“Walk around all crooked, I guess,” Ed shrugged.

“Don’t I do that anyway?” Oswald snorted.

Ed blinked. “...Yes.”

And Oswald laughed. “Let’s just go get dinner, okay?”

“Okay.”

They walked to the elevator, which was thankfully empty, and pressed the button for the lobby. Before the doors closed however, a hand shot through the gap, forcing them open again.

“Oh, lovely, what good luck, wouldn’t you agree?” The rather peppy british man on the other side spouted and Ed frowned.

“I suppose so,” Oswald ground out, making room for the man. He had a bright yellow jacket that seemed rather... _bold_.

“Yes, I always feel that elevators and good luck are _rarely_ associated with each other,” the man continued. “In fact, I’d say that elevators would sooner marry Lord Un-luck than Lady luck herself,” he concluded before taking a moment to look at Ed and Oswald respectively. “Are you staying here too? Or just visiting?”

“...Staying,” Ed replied after a moment.

“It’s a lovely hotel, wouldn’t you agree? Now, I’m not a _frequenter_ of hotels, but I think we can _all_ agree that this one is **smashing**.”

“Um–”

“You wouldn’t happen to have noticed any strange men _loitering around_ anywhere, would you?” The man kept going with barely a breath in between. “I’m supposed to be solving a case. A murder, in fact.”

“Are you a cop?” Oswald interrupted, shooting Ed a concerned look.

“Me? No! No, no, _no!_ ”

“Sounds just like you,” Oswald whispered in Ed’s ear with a snort, “But British.” Ed frowned. He didn’t speak like that, did he?

“No, I’m a _holistic_ detective,” the man clarified. “In fact, the police tend to actively dislike me. Not for a lack of trying, mind you. I _attempt_ to be friendly, but they often get the wrong end of the stick.” He huffed.

“Yeah, cops tend to be like that,” Oswald agreed vaguely.

“Wow,” The man grinned, “You two are _really_ nice. I feel like I’ve made some new friends.”

Ed’s eyebrows shot up and Oswald shot him a look. “Um…”

“Wouldn’t that just be a _great_ story?” The man giggled. “A chance meeting in an elevator! I mean, not quite as unusual as, say, breaking into someone’s apartment, but still a fantastic tale!”

“Uhhhhh…”

Thankfully, _blessedly_ , the elevator door opened at that moment. “We’ve got to go! But it was nice meeting you, uh–”

“Dirk Gently!” The man interrupted.

“Yes,” And Oswald took his hand and _pulled_.

“Did that feel like an out-of-body experience to you?” Ed asked.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” 

They ended up having to turn themselves around and go the other way to the restaurant since Oswald had no clue where it was but they managed not to be spotted by that detective man.

Ed breathed a sigh as they stepped up to the maitre de. Finally, they were together and alone and–

“Hey guys!” No, no, no, please be talking to somebody else, _please be talking to somebody–_ “Penguin! Nygma!”

_Well–_

“Fuck,” Oswald whispered. Ed sighed and followed his line of sight to a table not too far from them. There sat Victor Zsasz, his bald head shining, and… some kind of metal man?

Ed tilted his head, recognition flickering in his brain, but he couldn’t quite place it.

“Zsasz,” Oswald gritted out, his shoulders set in what Ed liked to call ‘attack mode’, “What a pleasant surprise!”

“I know, right!” Zsasz agreed, looking sideways at Ed, “I didn’t expect to see you here, riddle man.”

“Hi, Zsasz,” Ed offered reluctantly, hoping a waiter would appear with a table far, far away from here. He glanced at the man across from him who Oswald seemed to be staring at intently. “Who’s your friend?”

“Victor–”

“Victor Fries,” Oswald finished. “What… How… When…?”

“Wait, I remember you!” Ed suddenly realized. “You were the one who kidnapped me when…” Ed quickly shut his mouth, knowing it wouldn’t do to finish that sentence.

“Yes,” Fries confirmed.

“How the fuck did you two meet?” Oswald finally managed to spit out, looking between the couple.

“At a disco club, actually,” Zsasz answered. “You know, shared interests is one of the rare things that–”

But Oswald obviously wasn’t finished asking questions. “How does it even work? Fries is literally _freezing_ , I don’t–”

“You know, that can be a turn-on for some people,” Zsasz answered simply, taking his partner’s gloved hand.

Ed blinked. Oswald choked. 

“Well, it was nice seeing you,” Ed said, hoping to wrap this little meeting up, “But we were hoping to get to dinner since we haven’t eaten since lunch and you know how Ozzie get’s, so…” He didn’t bother to finish, choosing to take Oswald’s hand and drag _him_ away this time. “What are _they_ doing here?” He laughed.

“I don’t know!” Oswald exclaimed. “I mean… some kind of getaway, I guess.”

“Hah,” Ed smiled. “Same mind.”

Oswald looked at him warily. “I guess so.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we can avoid them if we’re careful,” he reassured him. “Let’s just find our waiter.”

“Agreed.”

Dinner was, _thankfully_ , delicious, Oswald seeming extremely satisfied with his sirloin steak.

“Exquisite,” he moaned, “Do you understand how difficult it is to find quality food when everyone thinks you’re dead. It’s _impossible_ to hire a maid.”

Ed stopped chewing his lamb fillet for a moment, looking Oswald up and down. “You know…” he ventured, “You don’t necessarily have to hide that you’re alive.”

“Um,” Oswald scoffed, “I think I do.”

“Not necessarily,” Ed repeated, “I mean… who’s gonna tell you off for still being alive? Jim?”

Oswald set his fork down. “Have you forgotten the little blonde witch who helped persuade you to kill me in the first place?”

“Yeah, but,” Ed shrugged, looking down at his plate. “Maybe I could convince her to spare you.” He looked up slowly, carefully meeting Oswald’s stern gaze.

“Spare me?” He repeated. “So Barbara Kean listens to _you_ , now?”

“Yes,” Ed nodded, “Or… no. Actually, it’s a bit complicated at the moment.”

Oswald scratched the tines of his fork over his plate almost pointedly, cocking his head. “How close _is_ your relationship to Barbara.”

And suddenly Ed’s mouth was parched as he realized that in all his attempts to keep his relationship from Oswald away from Barbara’s eyes, the reverse may have been achieved as well.

“Oswald,” he gasped, “You don’t have to worry!” He searched for some kind of cover up or alibi… but suddenly realized he wasn’t sure what he was being accused of. “Um.” He blinked. Oswald blinked back. He licked his lips. Oswald drummed his fingers on the table. “...Can we just order dessert?”

Oswald’s face remained unmoved for several long, long seconds before suddenly snapping into a smile. “Of course, honey. Where did that waiter get to?”

And Ed’s heart was beating harder and harder. But it wasn’t for the reasons it should be.

All that was forgotten however when Oswald started to lick the ice cream sundae off his spoon before deepthroating it right at the table. That was sure to make a man forget a lot of things.

?¿?¿?

“Mmm, so good, mmm,” Oswald was devouring him, moaning like he was another part of the meal, just the next delectable course to be savoured and consumed.

“God, you still taste like chocolate,” Ed mumbled against his lips, not complaining for a moment as Oswald sabotaged his declaration with another kiss. They weren’t even in the room yet; pressed up against the far wall of the slowest elevator in the world (not that they were complaining) and trying to climb into each other’s clothes without taking them off.

When the elevator did stop, they had to skirt around a familiar, disturbed bellhop who stood unblinking in front of the doors.

“Uh, don’t mind us!” Ed hurried to say before Oswald’s eager limbs dragged him away. He struggled to swipe his key with Oswald biting his neck like a fanged terror but eventually the card-reader beeped happily and the door sprang open beneath their weight. 

They stumbled through to the bedroom, Oswald seeming all too efficient at this, somehow ridding Ed of his jacket, shirt and tie when Ed had only managed to open his belt.

“You’re a wicked man, Ozzie,” he huffed, blinking through the mist on his glasses.

And Oswald smiled like an imp. “Takes one to know one.”

And, together, they devoured.

?¿?¿?

_“He’s perfect, wouldn’t you say?”_

_Ed didn’t know how long he’d been dreaming, only that this place was certainly a **dream** , no tethers or strings to tie to reality._

_“It’d be impossible to disagree.” There was a word for the place they were now, but he couldn’t find it. They were certainly **somewhere** , or perhaps a different type of nowhere. A… a place._

_“Sometimes, I look at him and it’s like it’s all already happened.”_

_Ed frowned, turning to look at the figure. “What do you mean?”_

_“I mean everything,” he laughed, “Everything we’ve ever wanted with him. Just… just the wanting… it’s like it’s so strong it can pull the idea into being. You know?”_

_Ed blinked at him before looking around. “Wh-where’s the other one? The… the other Oswald?”_

_“He’s here, Eddie?” His mirror-image shrugged. “He’s been me all along.”_

_“What… what does that mean?” Everything felt so foggy._

_“I just…” The figure shrugged, “I needed you to understand. But you do, now. I mean,” the smile wasn’t fearsome or dark, in fact Ed would go so far as to say he’d never seen himself smile so much like the **sun** , “You love him too. Right?”_

_Ed licked his lips at this dangerous game. “What if I don’t?”_

_At once the spectre’s eyes clouded over, thunder rumbling somewhere darkly. “Then I’m afraid there really is no hope for you.”_

_Ed looked away. “Where are we, anyway?”_

_The other one, he softened again, gesturing, “I thought you’d like to remember this.”_

_Suddenly a fire burst forth on a hearth and realization struck Ed in the chest. “But I don’t need to see it again. I… I remember it perfectly.”_

_“Our own little confession, yes,” the figure murmured. “Wouldn’t do to be too obvious, but…” He looked at Ed anger lurking in his eyes. “You let yourself dismiss it. You let your fear push down the truth. Because you were **WEAK**.”_

_Lightning crashed and suddenly Oswald was before him, his words silent but Ed didn’t need to hear it. He could read it off his lips._

_Say something._

_Say something._

_Say something._

_“I thought…” Ed shook his head. “He… he deserved it? He did, right?”_

_The figure’s face darkened further, a growl in his voice as he spoke, “Since when did we give a shit about what people deserved? You think Kristen deserved what she got? That guy who found her little ‘burial’? Or I suppose they **did** deserve it, because they would’ve given you away.” He stepped closer and Ed found that he wasn’t on a pier at all but in a cage, bound and tied, a bird forbidden from flight. “When you try to excuse your behaviour, Ed, you give up free will. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU DID, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”_

_“I-I do, I **have** ,” Ed gasped, “I apologised and I would never–”_

_“Never what, Ed?” he spat. “Isn’t that what you said last time? And the time before? How many **MESSES** will you force me to help you out of before you learn that **YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!** ”_

_“I’m the problem?”_

_The figure sniffed, looking away. “Obviously.”_

_“How’s that supposed to help me?” Ed asked. “What’s the point of this?”_

_“Oswald’s never going to trust us, Ed,” The spectre snapped. “Not until you can **prove** you won’t betray him again.”_

_“So that’s what this is,” Ed realized. “You need me to convince him?”_

_The figure nodded. “Because if we lose him again…” Like a passing storm, his eyes turned black. “ **I will kill you.** ”_

_Ed gasped. “U-understood.”_

_The figure nodded, looking at the side. They were in Oswald’s bed at the manor, watching him sleep again. Peaceful. “He really is perfect, isn’t he?”_

_Yes._

_“He is.”_

?¿?¿?

Ed awoke feeling a little more rested than usual. Not too surprising; he tended to sleep better with Oswald next to him.

He turned to the man in question, noting that his eyes remained shut and his breathing was even. Still sleeping, then. He smiled. There was a small scratch on his shoulder, and Ed suspected he may have been the cause for that. Maybe the friend in his dreams was right; he tended to hurt people when he lost control.

He sighed, pressing a small kiss to the scratch as pittance. He needed to get a hold of himself. Stop being so… impulsive. That wasn’t rational. That wasn’t _control_. Oswald wouldn’t be forgiving him a second time if Ed messed this up again.

He was kind, though. A different kind of kind than the one “normal” people are used to. But kind, nonetheless. Perhaps a _wounded_ kind. The type of kind that refused to be blinded by the darkness. Still, Ed refused to take advantage. Those days were over for them. Clear blue skies from this moment forward. No more robbers or clowns or back-stabbing cheats. They were lovers, pure and real. All they needed to do was _love_ , and everything would be smooth.

?¿?¿?

_I can't win, I can't reign_

_I will never win this game without you,_

_I am lost, I am vain_

_I will never be the same without you_

_I can't rest, I can't fight_

_All I need is you and I, without you_

_Without you_

_Can't erase, so I'll take blame_

_But I can't accept that we're estranged without you_

_I can't quit now, this can't be right_

_I can't take one more sleepless night without you_

_I won't soar, I won't climb_

_If you're not here, I'm paralyzed without you_

_I can't look, I'm so blind_

_I lost my heart, I lost my mind without you_

_Without you_

_Without_

_You_

?¿?¿?

“Whya starin’ ah me?” Oswald mumbled into the pillow, one eye opening to squint at him accusingly. “Huh?”

Ed smirked. “Just wondering whether you were thinking about killing me in your sleep.”

Oswald frowned at him. “Isn’t that your move, friend?”

Ed blinked at the flat tone of his voice but chose to dismiss it. “What shall we do today, huh? We’re in Star City! We could go sightseeing! Or find a beach!”

“Well,” Oswald smacked his lips, “I brought a book.”

“Oh,” he bit his tongue, “Ah, well, I suppose–”

“Nah, I’m fucking with yah,” Oswald kicked him under the sheets and Ed yelped, “I’ll read my book tonight. I wanna go to the beach.”

“Really?” Ed burst out, failing to contain his excitement.

“I am a man of taste and extravagance, Ed, and I would like to sit on a sandy shoreline and judge people’s bathing suit choices.”

Ed snorted. “Sounds good to me. But first–” He leant over and placed a soft, slow kiss against Oswald’s mouth, enjoying the warmth of his skin. “Good morning.”

Suddenly Ed was on his back, Oswald towering over him with the sheet hanging over his head. His eyes were dark as he settled his butt on Ed’s hips. “Good morning.”

Ed shivered, feeling like he was witnessing some dark tragic beauty like a fallen swan. When Oswald kissed him it was hard, and powerful, almost toxic in it’s overdose of lust. “You know,” Ed whispered between kisses, “We don’t have to go fast–”

“Shh,” Oswald’s finger pressed against his lips, “Now let’s go see if that shower fits two.”

It did. Even if one of them was on their knees.

“Ah-ah-ah, _Oswald,_ ” Ed felt himself empty out onto Oswald’s face and watched sadly as the shower immediately washed it away. “That was… you were…”

Oswald said nothing, simply pulling at himself.

“Here, let me–” He tried but Oswald was already finishing over the drainpipe, his head hanging low so only his furrowed brow was visible. Ed bent down, pulling his love up and kissing him. “You are beautiful.” Oswald kissed him back as the water rained on and on.

?¿?¿?

There was something undeniably magnetizing about Oswald with a pair of round sunglasses hanging off the edge on his nose, the twist in his lips roguish and rebellious as he walked across the beach beside him in his jetblack bathing suit. Ed smiled, grabbing the man’s hand.

“I was thinking of grabbing us some ice cream.” 

“Thank _God,_ ” He felt Oswald squeeze his hand with his own sweaty palm, “Since when was the sun this hot, anyway?”

“Since forever,” Ed giggled.

“No wonder no one in Gotham can fucking stay dead, we’re immortal moon creatures.”

Ed laughed out loud, ignoring the glances and the mutterings of other beach-goers.

Darn it.

He was so in love.

“Is the water warm too?” Oswald pursed his lips questioningly.

“There's only one real way to find out.” Ed set their gear on one of the available sunloungers. “Care to test the waters?”

Oswald stopped, and Ed could tell he was looking at him behind those tinted lenses. Searching for something.

Ed wasn’t sure what caused it, but suddenly Oswald’s entire demeanor changed.

“I can trust you. Right, Ed?”

Ed blinked. “Of course. Of course, you can,” He took the man’s hand, “Oswald.”

And he suddenly smiled. “Then fuck it!” 

They stopped only long enough for him to assist Oswald in removing his shoes before they walkedg to where the water was stretching its arms up the shore, desperately reaching higher, higher, higher. Oswald steadied himself on the uneven sand before squeezing his hand.

“Pray to fuck this shit isn’t as dirty as that shitty river water.”

“Then to fuck I shall pray,” Ed giggled.

They stepped forward. And Oswald _yowled._

“You’re being dramatic, Ozzie!”

“Cold! Cold! Cold! _Cold!_ ”

“It’s hardly _freezing_ , Os–”

“I can’t believe I took my shoes off for this!”

“Come on!”

“You took me to a cold beach, Eddie. A _cold beach._ ”

“Calm down!”

“A COLD BEACH, EDDIE!”

Ed laughed, utterly bemused. “Well, if it’s so cold, why are so many people swimming, huh?”

“They’re crazy people, Edward! From this crazy city! They have no sense!”

Ed shook his head. “I’m so in love with you.”

Oswald’s glasses slipped down his nose and Ed saw the wide stare of his irises. “Wha–”

And Ed kissed him like the ocean kissing the shore; familiar and eternal. But unlike the tide, he didn’t back down or pull away; he clung to the shore for all he was worth, worshipped it in the only way he could, and hoped to God he would understand.

And it had to be Oswald who pulled away, because sure as hell Ed couldn’t find the strength to do it. “You… really love me?”

It was the first time they’d talked about this… this _thing_ between them. _Here_. On a Starcity beach with people running up and down the sand around them.

“Oswald,” Ed murmured for only him to hear. “You can trust me.” 

Oswald pursed his lips. “You… you can understand my apprehension.”

“Of course. But it’s unwarranted.”

The furrow remained in Oswald’s brow. “...Okay. Yes, okay.”

Ed smiled. “We don’t have to stay here, you know. There’s some hot pools that would probably be more your style. Good for your leg too.”

Oswald tilted his head. “In a little bit. I’ll let you swim first.”

“Just like seeing me getting soaking wet, I bet.” He poked his tongue out and Oswald kissed it.

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Maybe.”

?¿?¿?

What’s the opposite of a good omen?

A bad one.

?¿?¿?

They spent time at the hot pools, hands clasped as the heat sunk into their skin. Then they left to get lunch at the first café that looked good, Oswald’s eyes widening comically when Ed dared to feed him a bite of his feta salad. Oswald _loved_ feta.

“So,” Oswald began, looking at him like he was meeting someone new. “This trip… really is just a trip.”

Ed frowned. “Wha– Um, I mean… yes?”

“Good,” Oswald nodded, “Good.” He pushed his plate away. “So, shall we go explore?”

“I don’t know. What are you hoping to find?” 

He grinned. “A whole bunch of shit.”

And he wasn’t exaggerating. They traipsed around the city core, arms slowly growing heavy with the bags hooked over them.

“Here next,” Oswald insisted, walking into the store and gesturing at the rows of assorted neckwear. “This is what I should’ve invested in as Mayor; a fucking _tie_ store.”

Ed snorted, shaking his head. He let his man peruse, happy enough seeing him in his element.

“Now, Ed, you really need to try some new splashes of colour. The green is–” He cocked his head, “Fine and all, but rather excessive on the scale you’re exhibiting.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “What would you suggest?”

“Hmm…” He watched him turn on his heel, eyes casting about on the colours and patterns, fingers dancing over fabric. “Come with me.”

They visited the maroons, dabbled in some scarlets, drifted through to the violet. 

“This. And this too. No, Ed, put that down.”

“Okay, yes, but Oswald, which of these do you actually want?” Ed gasped beneath the pile.

“What do you mean?” He turned to him, branding a credit card like it was a pistol, “We’re getting all of them.”

Ed looked down at the bags at his feet. “Oh. My. God.”

“What?”

“Can… can you just…” Ed shook his head, “Limit it to one bag… just… _please_.”

Oswald pursed his lips. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” Ed gasped, “Thank you.”

Walking out with another two bags slung on their wrists, Oswald turned to him and promised, “Just one more store, I swear.”

“Alright.”

Oswald chose, surprisingly, a unisex jewellery store, laiden with silver and gold and a rainbow of jewels.

“Can I help you sirs?” The man behind the counter flashed his tongue piercing as he spoke.

“Depends on what you have on offer,” Oswald replied.

“Well, all the jewellery we offer is handmade and unique, mostly from artists around the city but a few out of state as well.”

Oswald tilted his head. “Interesting. We’ll have a look around.”

“Is there somewhere I can put these down?” Ed interrupted, trying to keep himself from buckling. “ _Please?_ ”

“Ah, you can leave some behind the counter if you want.”

“ _Thank you,_ ” Ed breathed.

Oswald was already perusing the counters and cabinets, calling Ed closer. “What do you think about this one?”

It was a pendant in the shape of a dagger with an ebony dragon curled around it protectively.

“I like it, it’s–” Ed cut himself off, eyes bugging at the price tag, “–It’s $500, Oswald!”

Oswald shrugged, “So?”

“So? So, that’s too much, so.”

“But I like it.”

“But it’s just a pendant!” he argued, “You don’t need it.”

Oswald tilted his head. “You don’t need a lot of things, Ed.” He turned to the shopkeeper, “I’ll take this, please.”

“Is that all?” The man asked, unlocking the cabinet.

Oswald glanced at him. “Oh. Of course not.”

Ed shook his head. “You’re a troublemaker.”

“And don’t you know it.” And he _winked_. “Come on, Eddie, how bout this one? It’s all… sciencey.”

Ed leaned over his shoulder. The molecular structure of oxytocin laid twisted out in silver. Ed glanced at Oswald wondering if he… realized what that meant. Did he know about oxytocin? Did he recognise it? No. No, surely not.

But that was fine. Ed could still count it.

“You’re right, it looks nice. I think I’ll buy it.”

“Let me,” Oswald told him, “I mean, you organised the trip, it’s only fair.”

Ed felt heat rush to his cheeks and he glanced down at the countertop. “Thank you.”

God what a schoolboy reaction. _Get ahold of yourself, Nygma!_

They moved on to tie pins, Oswald picking out a golden question mark for him. It curved and it shimmered and Ed felt himself grow speechless. They added it to the pile, along with two others that Oswald insisted were worth the price.

“We have brooches too,” the shopkeeper mentioned and Oswald was off, picking out a diamond studded brooch with a sunburst cut, a bejewelled peacock with a slightly spread tail and a simple lily with sweetpeas around the sides.

“It reminds you of your mother, doesn’t it?” Ed said in the resounding silence while Oswald held the delicate brooch in the palm of his hand.

“Is it so obvious?” He had that quiet, sad sort of smile, the smile that had a tendency to kill Ed inside one microbacteria at a time.

“W-why don’t we look at the rings now?” Ed asked, searching for a distraction that would bring those eyes to life again.

Oswald nodded thankfully and they walked to the other counter. Oswald’s eyes actually lit up. “Can I try that one on?”

“Of course, sir. We actually have that one in a couple different sizes, so if you want, I could measure your fingers and–”

“Yes, yes, go ahead,” Oswald presented his fingers cleanly.

Ed watched on, happy to wait.

“Okay, so, I’d recommend this size for your middle finger, but if you’d rather it on your index on your third finger–”

“I’d like that on the middle one, but we can look at different sizes for any other,” Oswald answered.

The man nodded, writing down the sizes on a piece of paper with a pencil. Then he fit the ring onto Oswald’s finger and Ed smiled.

STOLEN was written in bold letters with silver snakeskin printed around the side.

“Very you,” Ed noted.

Oswald shot him a smirk over his shoulder. “I know.”

“Anything else for you, sir?” The shopkeeper interrupted them. Ed stared dumbstruck at the bag he held, seeing the weight of it.

“I think that’ll be all for today,” Oswald replied, “I’ve put my “boyfriend” through enough for one afternoon, wouldn’t you say?”

_Boyfriend?_

“If you say so.”

He said it like he wasn’t sure of the word yet.

_Boyfriend._

Like it was a shirt he was trying on for size.

_Boyfriend._

Did it fit?

_Boyfriend._

Oswald?

_Boyfriend._

Do we fit?

“Ed, I hope you don’t expect me to carry all of these bags myself.”

Ed shook himself, focusing on the present again. “Oh, of course not.”

He scooped up the bags he could see and raced to catch up with… with his _boyfriend_ , not wanting to be left behind.

?¿?¿?

“We wouldn’t normally ask, but–”

“We bought rather a lot,” Oswald finished and Ed frowned at him.

“You mean _you_ bought.” Oswald rolled his eyes and they both poked their tongues out at each other.

“Really, it’s fine,” Todd answered. “This is… my job, ya know?”

“You’re very helpful, yes.” Oswald’s arm was very firm around Ed’s waist suddenly. It was very distracting.

“So, um,” Todd hovered nervously as they waited for the elevator. “You guys are rich, huh?”

Ed glanced at Oswald. “Apparently.” He’d thought that Oswald’s accounts would have been put on hold when he was declared MIA, but it seemed Oswald had other means. Of course.

The doors dinged open and they all poured inside, the cartful of extra bags pulled in after them. The doors began to slide together, but before they could close completely, an all too familiar arm shot through, the yellow cuff of the owner’s jacket peeking through.

The doors opened.

“Oh brilliant! It’s you two. Oh, and a lot of bags! Oh, you!”

Ed looked at Oswald who looked back at him then at Todd.

“Sorry, what?” The bellboy eventually spoke up.

“Oh, um, don’t worry.” The Dirk-person (if he was, indeed, a person) spoke, “We don’t know each other. We’ve never met before.”

“O...kay.”

“Would you care to venture all the way inside? We’re rather impatient to get to our room,” Oswald deadpanned in that overly-polite way which meant he was irritated.

“Oh! Yes! Yes, of course!” The man hurried to fit in next to the bellboy, standing just the edge of too close. “Well, isn’t this brilliant!”

Nobody said anything.

“Oh, look, we’re getting off on the same floor! That’s a good sign.” Ed hid his smile in Oswald’s neck.

It was a small eternity before the doors opened again and they all piled out.

“Thank you for the tremendous elevator ride!” Dirk waved as he walked away, “It was smashing.”

“Is it weird that I like that guy?” Todd asked.

Ed felt Oswald’s eyes on him as he spoke. “Nah… makes sense enough to me.”

Ed squinted at him. Sometimes it seemed like Oswald was saying one thing, but meaning another.

“Shall we get these to the room?”

“Oh, yes, right.” Ed followed them to the room, and they piled up the bags in the corners of the small living room section.

“Is that all of them?” Todd asked, scratching his head in the picture example of confusion.

“We’ll let you know if it’s not,” Oswald assured him.

“Cool.” He nodded. Oswald shot Ed a look. Ed frowned. Oswald tilted his head and sighed.

“Oh, right,” Ed mumbled, pulling out his wallet. “Um…” There was a hundred dollar bill. That seemed enough. “Uh, here?”

Todd took the note like it was made of gold. “You guys, um, know you don’t have to give me more money each time, right?”

“Ed’s just generous,” Oswald rolled his eyes, “It’s very gratifying in bed, I assure you.”

Ed’s mouth dropped open. “Oswald, you can’t say tha–”

“Um, I’m sure,” Todd backed out of the room slowly, “Okay, well, bye.”

“ _Must_ you scare the nice people off?” Ed whined.

“And _must_ you simp?” Oswald called back. “Besides, it’s been a day and a _half_. I need some peace and quiet.”

“Oh?” Ed grinned.

Oswald snorted. “Not _that_ kind of peace and quiet.”

“Oh.” He pouted.

Oswald rolled his eyes, turning to rummage through his suitcase. “I’m going to sit here,” He walked over to the couch, “And read my book.” He held it up in demonstration.

“Okay,” Ed agreed, still pouting, “If you say so.”

Ed _had_ brought a sudoku puzzle book along with him, but he’d hoped he wouldn’t need it. Oh well.

He settled down at the dining table with a green pen (because pencils were for the gutless) and immersed himself into the world of puzzle 480.

The flip of a page.

The click of a pen.

Ed glanced over at Oswald. Still reading, tongue between his teeth. Okay then.

Puzzle 481. Three 1’s, two 2’s.

Glance at Oswald. Still reading.

Three 3’s. Three 4’s. No, wait, a 1 goes there. So that’s four 1’s. Good. Now, where was he?

Glance at Oswald.

No, stop, focus. Three 5’s. Only one 6. Interesting.

Oswald was still reading.

Well, if Ed put a 7 there, that made…

Yep, he was still reading.

...Three 7’s. Three? Yep.

Still reading.

Three. And… and two eights. And five 9’s. No, wait, if he added a nine there, then that was…

Still reading, that cursed tongue still between his teeth.

Wait, what number was he up to? Darn it. Oh right, 9.

Ed softly set his head against the table. This was impossible. He could hardly function, not with that feeling. The same feeling he got when he hadn’t seen Oswald in a while. Except, this time Oswald _was in the room with him_. Just… not interested in anything right now. Which was fine. Ed could be patient.

He could.

Definitely.

Ed glanced at Oswald. _**Still freaking reading!!!!**_

It was fine. This was fine. Ed didn’t need Oswald.

...Actually, there was some truth in that. Just because Oswald wasn’t interested in participating, that didn’t mean Ed couldn’t… participate with himself.

Ed quietly closed the book, shooting Oswald one last glance before picking himself up and heading to the bedroom. The door clicked closed behind him and Ed shed his trousers.

Hmm, how did he want to do this? Well, he knew there was lube in Oswald’s suitcase–

“Ed, what are you doing?”

“Ah, nothing!” Ed squeaked, covering himself with his hand. “I-I mean, I’m just…” _You’re half naked, you’re half naked,_ “...Changing.” _Yes, perfect!_ “Yes, I’m changing!”

“Really?” Oswald tilted his head, leaning against the doorway. “With that?”

Ed followed his eyes down. Ah. His erection. Shit. “Um…” Ed’s mouth was dry. “I… really like clothes?”

Oswald shook his head. “You’re _so_ impatient, Eddie.”

“Um…” Ed’s cheeks were burning a hot fire now.

“You couldn’t just wait for me to finish this last chapter, now could you?”

“W-well, I–”

Oswald tutted softly and Ed suddenly saw that dangerous look in his eye. “Whatever will I do with you?”

Ed’s cock twitched as his mind whispered, _bad things, I hope._

“You really _must_ let me finish my book, Edward,” he chided, “Do you promise to do that at least?”

“Yes! Of course,” Ed promised, “I will.”

Oswald nodded solemnly. “Then you can come with me. And bring the lube.”

Ed’s knees nearly bled with the force they hit the carpet for him to search the luggage. And, lube in hand, he sprang up behind him.

Oswald went back to the couch, settling in comfortably, but this time he unbuttoned his shirt cuffs and collar. “Rather warm here in Starcity,” he cited, “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Ed’s swallowed hard. “I-I think so.”

Oswald smiled alluringly. “Come take a seat, _baby_.” Ed flushed harder at the name, having a feeling that it was more of a jab than a pet name but not minding either way.

Ed went to sit next to him but Oswald shook his head. “I want you to be comfortable, _Eddie_ ,” he smirked and Ed felt his flames grow higher. “Lie down, here.” He patted his thighs. “There’s plenty of room.”

“You’re the worst,” Ed pouted, going to lie down on his back.

“No, no, Eddie,” He tutted, that teasing tone still in place, “On your front please.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “You’re so pushy.” He complied anyway, laying with his feet hooked over one end of the couch and his arms leaning against the other. This may have had the added bonus of his erection pressed up between Oswald’s thighs, but who’s to say if that was intentional?

“You know…” Oswald’s hand landed on Ed’s bare ass without hesitation, “I bought you a lot of gifts today, Eddie. So it would do for you to be quiet and let me read my book, okay?”

“O-okay.” Ed nodded, heavily distracted by the hand firmly kneading his cheeks.

“Which means…” The soft click of the lube bottle seemed all too loud in the quiet air, “If you make a noise, I stop.”

And suddenly there was a finger pressed against Ed’s hole and it took the force of his very high IQ to keep himself from squeaking.

Then, as Oswald’s finger started to move in slow, devilish circles, he began to speak.

“Chapter 30: _Coriolanus stood stunned as the guards clapped him on the back, laughing._ ”

Ed bit his lip, the slow, slow rotations causing Oswald’s finger to gently dip inside his rim.

“ _You’re the youngest person ever to pass the_ –” And Ed suddenly stopped listening, too busy slamming his hand over his mouth to keep in his cry as Oswald pushed his finger all the way in at once.

Blink. Blink. He could do this. Blink.

Oswald was still reading aloud as his finger started moving inside him, those _slow rotations_ again, creating a spiral as he pistoned in and out.

Ed clenched his teeth and just focused breathing in and out. In and out.

“ _What time do I leave?_ ” Oswald’s words began to sink in again, “ _There’s a hovercraft headed that way early tomorrow morning and you’ll be on it._ ”

Just breathe. And blink. And breathe.

“ _We expect great things from you.”_

The torture didn’t stop, Oswald keeping only one finger in, those slow circles never ceasing.

“ _There were no options._ ”

B r e a t h e

“ _Hating himself, and hating Sejanus Plinth even more, he walked toward the building that housed the generator, almost not caring if he was apprehended._ ”

Slow, slow torture.

“ _He wound his fingers in the links and gave them a shake of frustration._ ”

Such, _such_ frustration.

“ _Outside, his natural wariness reinstated itself. He skirted around the rear of the base and through the wooded area, eventually making his way…_ Ed.” Oswald’s fingers slowly withdrew. “Are you still listening?”

“Y-Yeah, I–”

Oswald tutted, his hand suddenly on the back of Ed’s neck, fingers stroking dangerously. “No noise, remember.”

Ed gasped then held his breath, closing his eyes as he nodded.

“Good boy,” He could hear Oswald’s smirk. “So; are you still listening?”

Ed nodded, burying his mouth in his hand as he began breathing again.

“Very good. Then we can continue.”

Ed didn’t know whether that was a curse or a blessing.

“ _After a few miles, he reached the field and broke into a run, eager to conceal himself in the woods._ ” Oswald’s finger slowly returned to Ed’s rim, and he tensed for the pleasurable return. “ _She ran over and hugged him, and he responded even though it felt too hot for an embrace._ ”

So _unbelievably_ hot. Oswald’s finger began that spiralling motion again, just as light and teasing as before, and Ed struggled to keep his hips from shifting to increase the pressure.

“ _You still up for this?_ ” Ed buried his face in the arm of the couch and sighed. “ _I have no choice._ ” Oswald paused, pulling out his finger to coat it in more lube. “Are you ready for two now, Eddie?”

Ed nodded, a shiver running up his back.

“Okay then.” Two fingers began to circle his hole, not dipping in quite yet. “ _You know what I won’t miss? People._ ”

Ed licked his lips, struggling to keep still as he felt Oswald’s second finger slowly breach his hole.

“ _Except for a handful. They’re mostly awful, if you think about it._ ”

Ed gasped before slamming his hand over his mouth again as he felt Oswald push his fingers all the way in as he’d done before.

“ _People aren’t so bad, really. It’s what the world does to them. Like us, in the arena. We did things in there we’d never have considered if they’d just left us alone._ ”

Oswald scissored his fingers, spreading them wide.

“ _I don’t know. I killed Mayfair, and there was no arena in sight._ ”

Then Oswald began to spiral his fingers once more, twisting them this time, pressing them against Ed’s walls with purpose. Ed’s brain narrowed down to those two fingers, his stomach twitching with the need to sit up, undo Oswald’s pants and take what he wanted.

But this; this slow _torture_ , was somehow so much better.

“ _Who’s the third?_ ” 

Ed blinked, trying to focus on Oswald’s melodic voice again.

“ _What?_ ” Breathe. “ _Person you killed. You said you killed three people this Summer._ ” In, out, in, out. “ _Who, indeed? The answer was Sejanus, of course, but he couldn’t admit to that._ ” 

Oswald’s fingers pulled out. “Hanging in there?”

Ed couldn’t even lift his head to nod.

“You may speak.”

“Nggh.” Ed inhaled slowly, pushing himself to form words. “Nngg, good. S’good.”

“Glad to hear it. Let’s see if you can hold on a little longer.”

“Nggh,” Ed complained, pushing his face into the couch arm again.

“Now, now, Eddie, how else are you going to learn patience?”

Ed nodded, truly not wanting Oswald to stop, not now they were _so close_.

“Very good.” Oswald applied more lube before pressing the fingers to Ed’s hole again. “ _So, Bobbin, Mayfair… Who’s the third?_ ”

Ed bit his lip, keeping his keen down into the quietest whine as Oswald breached him again.

“ _His mind raced for a plausible explanation._ ” The twisting spiral resumed, slower this time, as if Oswald was savouring every second and wanted Ed to do the same. “ _Myself. I killed the old me so I could come with you._ ”

Even with two fingers squeezed into him, Oswald seemed to be purposefully avoiding Ed’s prostate, seeming to know that Ed’s self control wouldn’t be able to last very long past that. So Ed simply settled into the motions and tried not to make a sound.

“ _They hiked on toward the lake, each lost in their own thoughts. It all seemed unreal to him, as if they were going for a picnic, and he must be sure to get back in time for fried baloney and curfew. But no. When they reached the lake, they’d move on into the wilderness, to a life consumed with the most basic type of survival._ ”

Ed sobbed into the couch arm, and Oswald placed the book down on his back so he could stroke his hair. “Not long to go. You’re doing well.”

“Am I?” Ed grumped, pushing his ass out in emphasis of all his impatience.

Oswald chuckled. “Yes. You are.” He picked the book up again. “ _What was there to aspire to once wealth, fame, and power had been eliminated? Was the goal of survival further survival and nothing more?_ ”

Ed groaned, and Oswald shushed him softly.

“ _She showed him how to attach the heavy thread and hooks to their poles. Clawing through the soft mud for worms disgusted him, and he wondered if this would be a daily activity. It would, if they were hungry enough._ ”

Ed’s stomach was on fire and he didn’t know when he’d started pushing his hips into Oswald’s thighs but now it was the only thing pulling him through.

“ _Heavy, dark clouds rolled in, providing some relief from the beating sun but adding to his oppression. This was his life now. Digging for worms and being at the mercy of the weather. Elemental. Like an animal._ ”

“H-how much longer?” Ed mumbled, not caring if this meant punishment, not caring if Oswald spanked him or teased him, he needed _something_.

“Almost there, Eddie.” He pulled his fingers free. “But I know you need more.” The snap of the lube cap and soon there were three fingers at his entrance.

“Yes,” Ed sobbed, “Thank you.”

Oswald just kept reading, fingers circling him. “ _They moved to the lake house. The door was jammed, but Lucy Gray bumped it with her hip and it swung open._ ” Slowly this time, Oswald’s fingers sunk in. “ _Coriolanus considered the possibility of just staying in the sturdy little house, with plenty of wood around and the lake to fish in. But no, it would be too dangerous to put roots down this close to the district._ ”

Slowly, slowly, Oswald’s fingers brushed down his walls. Ed keened, bucking his hips slightly, and Oswald went even _slower_.

“ _He swung the door shut behind him and froze. The door had concealed something. A long burlap bag. From the opening poked the barrel of a shotgun._ ”

Ed clawed at the couch arm, knowing the less he moved his hips the faster Oswald would go.

“ _Hey, What’d you find there?_ ” Oswald’s fingers finally reached the hilt. “ _Oh. Are these the ones they had in the shed?_ ”

He slowly, slowly, began to _twist_.

“ _I think they must be. Should we take the guns along?_ ”

Ed didn’t have much composure left to cling to, but cling to it he did as all three of those fingers pressed against his walls.

“ _Rather not. I don’t trust them. This will come in handy, though.’ She pulled out a long knife, turning the blade in her hand._ ”

Oswald’s fingers pumped in and out.

“ _Kneeling beside the pile, he picked up the peacekeeper’s rifle he’d killed Mayfair with. Here it was. The murder weapon._ ”

And Ed rotated his hips into it, before pushing down against Oswald’s lap once more.

“ _All he had to do was destroy it. Once the gun was gone, there’d be nothing to connect him to the murders. Absolutely nothing._ ” His cock pushed between Oswald’s thighs and he screeched, no noise be damned. Oswald didn’t seem to mind “ _No, wait. There would be one thing. Lucy Gray._ ”

In fact, he was increasing speed.

“ _He checked to see that the peacekeeper’s rifle was loaded, then opened the door wide. She was nowhere in sight._ ”

Pressing harder and harder.

“ _No question, she was hiding from him._ ”

And suddenly–

“ _She must have figured out that Sejanus was the third person Coriolanus had killed._ ”

Ed finally screamed as Oswald’s third finger gave the swiftest, lightest brush to his prostate. He could hear the smirk in Oswald’s voice as he continued.

“ _He looked down at the loaded gun in his hands. Maybe he should’ve left it in the shed. It looked bad coming after her armed. As if he were **hunting** her._”

“Please, _please_ , Oswald.” Ed pushed his hips down harder and he found himself pressed against something equally as hard through the fabric.

“Ah! Um, ‘ _Put down the gun , he told himself, but his hands refused to cooperate._”

Ed grinned, knowing he’d got to him, just a _little_ bit. He bucked his hips again.

“S-s- _still no sign of her,_ Um, _she was giving him no choice but to hunt her down in the woods._ ”

When Ed thrust against him this time, he earned a smack on his backside, shivers rippling out from the mark.

It didn’t stop him

“ _A-adrenaline sh-sharpened his senses, and…_ and… _and he noticed a snapped branch here, a scuff mark in the moss there_ –Eddie!”

Ed looked over his shoulder with wide eyes. He slowly pushed up onto Oswald’s fingers. “What?”

Oswald shook his head, removing his hand. Ed frowned for a second, watching as Oswald pulled out the lube again, lubing up… four fingers this time. Four.

Oh _dear._

“ _A patch of orange caught his eyes and he smiled._ ” The fingers began to circle his entrance and Ed swung his head back to stare stupidly at the couch’s arm. “ _He went to retrieve it – maybe he’d keep it after all – when a faint rustle in the leaves pulled him up short._ ”

Four fingers… slowly… pushed… in...

“ _He’d just registered the snake when it struck, uncoiling like a spring and digging its teeth into the forearm extended toward the scarf._ ”

Ed shrieked as Oswald’s smallest finger brushed his prostate and he thrust down against him

“ _Lucy Gray had tried to kill him._ ”

“O-Oswald!” He cried out, his shoulders shaking.

“Really, Eddie,” Oswald hissed before continuing, “ _The trailing scarf. The poisoned snake. Maude Ivory had said she always knew where to find them._ ” 

Ed paused.

Looked over his shoulder and thrust.

“ _H-he didn’t know how long he might have…”_ And thrust again,“ _B-but by all things Snow,_ ” And again,“ _She was going to pay for this_ –Eddie.”

Ed stopped, staring at him.

“Stop, you _naughty_ thing.”

And slowly, Ed snapped his hips then grinned. “Make me.”

The look in Oswald’s eyes was as rare as a unicorn in the Gotham Zoo as Mr. _Penguin_ Changed. His. Mind. “Fuck it.”

Suddenly Ed was on his back and Oswald was struggling out of his clothes, throwing them across the room like javalons. Ed raked his nails down his chest and gasped as Oswald’s no longer clothed cock pressed against his own.

“I-inside!” Ed gasped, eyes fluttering shut as he felt Oswald’s lips suck at the skin of his throat. “Oswald, please, I need you, I need you.”

“I don’t know,” Oswald hummed against his ear, Lips tracing the shell tantalisingly, “I think you need some more preparation.”

“Whaaaat?” Ed whined. Oswald just grinned. He gaped at him. “How dare you!”

Oswald pressed his cock harder against him. “I dare more than you dare.” His teeth scraped against Ed’s skin. “You could’ve stayed in the bedroom and had your way with yourself. But I guess you wanted me more than you wanted to get off, huh?”

“Is that so?” Ed huffed, ignoring the heat in his cheeks, “Because if I remember that book correctly, you seem to have edited out half the freaking chapter. Not that you even _pretended_ to finish it.”

Oswald pulled away, looking him in the eye.

Ed stared right back.

“Fuck you,” Oswald snapped.

Ed grinned. “Yes please.” And together, they smiled, before attacking their lips and finally, _finally_ kissing.

Ed groaned against him, accepting his tongue, his hand in his hair, then on his back, then his hips.

“Well, Ed, I suppose, since you _have_ been patient,” Oswald mumbled against his lips, seeming reluctant to part from them.

“I’m glad you noticed, sir,” Ed taunted, sticking his tongue out.

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Hush.” Ed pressed his lips together to keep himself from grinning. “I was just saying that I could _deign_ to fuck you, if you asked nicely enough.”

“Oh really?” Ed cocked his head.

Oswald raised his eyebrows. “Uh huh.”

Ed slowly slid off the couch, sinking onto the carpet and down to his knees. “Ozzie,” He purred, stroking his hands up and down those strong thighs, “Would you,” He took his cock in his right hand, stroking up and down _slowly_ , “Pretty please,” He leaned down, down, down and over, first kissing the head then taking it into his mouth. It scraped his palate first, then his throat as he took him all the way to the hilt… then slowly pulled off. “ _Deign_ to fuck me?” He was gasping and breathless, and there was lube leaking down his thighs and onto the carpet.

“Fuck, yes.” And Ed practically leapt onto his lap, not hesitating before positioning himself to receive his cock.

“Ready?” He huffed, looking deep into Oswald’s eyes.

Oswald spoke the word like a prayer, “ _Please_.”

Ed sank down slowly, and it may have been torture for him but he hoped it was worse torture for Oswald, his own little punishment to deal out for being made to wait this long. Oswald groaned, biting into his neck, making Ed hiss and slip down a little faster than intended.

Oswald caught his hands in his as Ed finally bottomed out, their eyes locked together. “I hope you don’t expect me to take this slow.”

Ed slowly, slowly smiled. “I was about to say the same thing to you.”

And suddenly they were moving together, chasing each other’s release like foxhunters without a care for lasting – not when they’d waited _this long_.

Ed thanked the heavens they’d forgotten about keeping quiet because the moment that Oswald tipped him back to slam against his prostate, he started to _scream_.

The force of it all sent them sliding onto the carpet, but Oswald didn’t stop, not for a moment, and neither did Ed, anchoring himself against the screwed-down coffee table as Oswald fucked him good and deep and it was so, so much, it was everything, and his cock was screaming for touch but before he could take it in hand, Oswald was already there.

Oswald was always there.

Ed could only hold on as Oswald tore him apart, his eyes closing and his breaths coming like gunshots with each snap of his hips.

 _Thrust, thrust_.

There was nothing but this.

_Thrust, thrust._

The world could be going to chaos and Ed wouldn’t know it.

_Thrust, thrust._

A whole city **burning**.

One final thrust and Ed came, fire in his screams and freedom-chasing in his lungs as only one man existed in his world.

“Oswald,” he gasped, boiling water lowering to a simmer. “I love you.”

Oswald’s face was tucked into his neck, his whole body tense as he orgasmed. Still, Ed could hear it when he spoke: 

“I-I...I, um…” Ed swallowed, tried not to move, to scare, to startle. “I…” _Please, please, please._ “I…”

_Please._

“...Thank you.”

_I don’t love you._

Fuck. “No problem.” Ed nuzzled into Oswald’s hair, holding him close. “Is… Um, are you okay?”

“I…” a soft cough, “I may have done something to my leg there.”

“Oh, _Oswald_ ,” Ed groaned, pushing his own confused mess of feelings aside, “How many times have I told you to be careful!”

“I’m afraid I was too busy to think about my leg, Eddie,” He sniped, “You know? I was rather distracted? Fucking you? Ringing any bells?”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Just shift your ass so I can help you to the bed. I’ll run you a bath, too.”

“Oh, yes, what a gentleman,” he snarked, rolling off, “Always there to lend a come-stained hand, I see.”

Ed laughed at his antics, hooking his arm under his to help him up. “Come now, your highness, your bedchamber awaits.”

“Fuck you, too,” Oswald poked his tongue out and Ed paused to give him a deep, tongue-filled kiss. 

“Happy now?” 

He huffed, but didn’t say anything more which Ed decided to take as a “yes”. He helped him to the bed, instructing him to stay there while Ed went into the bathroom to turn on the bath.

As water filled the tub along with a cloud of steam, Ed sat back on his haunches and allowed himself to think.

Oswald still had doubt. That much was obvious. Ed didn’t know why. But it was okay. 

He carefully trailed his fingers through the water, checking the temperature

Ed could tell Oswald was starting to believe him, little by little. That was progress, at least. “Who knows?” He spoke to the mirror as he poured in the complimentary bath salts, “He may even be convinced by the end of the week!”

“Ed?” Oswald’s voice called from behind the door.

“Coming!” He wiped his hand on the towel before standing and walking to the door. “Oh, Oswald, you should have waited so I could help you.”

Oswald was frowning. “I’m not some helpless, frail cripple, Ed.”

Ed paused. “Of course not. I just… like helping, that’s all.”

“Really?” Oswald had that _look_ again. Ed had thought he’d gotten rid of it by now.

“Yes, really,” Ed shook his head, “Now hold onto me, for goodness sake.”

He helped him into the bath, making sure he wouldn’t slip on the way. Oswald sank in, keeping one eye open as he sighed. “Thank you, Edward.” 

_Thank you_.

Ed gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome. Take your time.”

Oswald frowned. “You’re not getting in with me?”

“Not yet, I want to go get food from the restaurant.” Ed scratched his arm awkwardly.

“Why not just order room service?”

“Well, um,” he cleared his throat, “You know what they say ‘Better a restaurant than… than room service!’ So… Yeah.”

Oswald paused, pursing his lips. “Really?”

“Um…” Ed nodded vigorously, “Absolutely.”

“I suppose you should leave me to it, then.” 

Ed nodded. The air in the room was beginning to feel a little too _thick_ , making him want to choke. “Ex-exactly.”

He carefully backed out of the room, closing the door behind him. He went to his bag and pulled out a new set of clothes.

Okay. So Ed may have told a _slight_ white lie there. But it wasn’t that bad! Ed had heard at least one person say they preferred eating restaurant food than room service. And just because Ed had used the high ratings of the hotel’s in-house cuisine as one of the reasons to pick it had nothing to do with it.

Or the fact that the restaurant he was about to order from provided the room service as well.

Ed shook his head; it didn’t matter! He needed some air, and he couldn’t exactly ask for it without making things between him and Oswald even more confusing.

Everything was so confusing.

He sighed, doing up his last button and leaving the room. He softly closed the door behind him before making his way down the hall and to the elevator. He pushed the button and instantly hopped back as the doors automatically opened to–

“Um,” Ed blinked twice, “Hi?”

The bellboy and the Dirk person were… kissing… in the elevator.

“Oh, heavens!” Dirk sprang away first, dusting himself off. Todd simply stood there, speechless. “Terribly sorry about that, we were just, uh… discussing… current events.”

Todd shot Dirk a panicked look before seeming to go with his plan. “Yes, the news from Gotham is, uh, very shocking, so… we were…” he coughed, “Discussing it. Like he said.”

Ed looked between them. “You do realize my IQ isn’t slipping below 100 like most people in this city.”

The pair blushed. Finally Todd had enough common sense to be honest. “Sorry, sir, we just… it’s against company policy to, um…”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Then maybe don’t “um” in an elevator.”

“Right, of course, perfectly sound logic you have there, I _must_ say,” Dirk grabbed the bellboy’s hand and dragged him away, “The, uh, lift’s free now so we shan’t bother you anymore…”

Ed nodded, stepping into the elevator.

Wait.

He pushed his hand against the door to keep it from closing, yelling across the hallway, “What do you mean, the news from Gotham?”

But the pair had already turned around the corner.

Ed slowly pulled his hand away from the elevator doors, cradling it to his chest like it had frostbite. It _felt_ like it had frostbite.

The doors closed.

Surely, it hadn’t happened already. _Surely,_ Gotham was still in one piece, as rotten and holey as that piece may be.

_What would Oswald say?_

Nothing. Because it wasn’t time yet. It wasn’t fair for reality to come knocking at his door, as expected a guest as it may be.

Ed didn’t want this daydream to end.

_This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t happening._

The doors opened. He walked out and the TV screen on the far side of the lobby caught his eye.

He tried to look away.

He couldn’t.

 _“If he finds out,”_ a thunderous voice whispered in his mind, _“He’ll leave.”_

Ed walked to the restaurant in a cloud.

?¿?¿?

_I am always around you but often forgotten. I am pure and clean most times, but occasionally **rotten**. _

_What am I?_

?¿?¿?

“I think we should have a quiet day tomorrow.” Ed cleared his throat as soon as he walked into the room. “J-just hang around the hotel for a bit. Go to the pool or just… read for a while.”

“Sure, whatever,” Oswald mumbled. He was hanging over the side of the bed, ass in the air.

“Really?” Ed bit the inside of his cheek. “O-okay then.”

“Yeah, so, did you check that you had all the bags before we left the jewellery store?”

“Um…” Ed’s head whirled a bit at the change of subject, “I-I’m not sure.” He tried to think back… Oh. Oh, it had been such a long day and Oswald had been close, _so close_ , h-he called him his _boyfriend_ , and Ed… Ed hadn’t checked how many bags they had. Just grabbed the ones he saw. Didn’t even bother to _count_. 

Oh dear.

Oh _God_.

“I-I’m sorry,” Ed gasped, trying not to fall to his knees and put his head in his hands. Fuck, he was stronger than this! W-why did he keep feeling like he was failing? “I didn’t… I didn’t check.”

“It’s fine,” Oswald sighed, finally sitting back up on the bed properly. “The shopkeeper probably still has them. It’s only two or three, I think.”

Ed bit his tongue, shaking his head. “Oswald, you should’ve waited for me before you went looking! And you got out of the bath without me. You could’ve hurt yourself.”

Oswald scowled at him. “Again; I’m not a fucking flower, Ed.”

Ed scratched his arm through his sleeve. “I know that, it’s just…” Ed _did_ know that. So why did he feel this incessant need to _be there._

Maybe… 

Maybe he didn’t want to lose him.

Ed looked at Oswald. “Sorry, you’re right.” He didn’t want to lose him. “You’re not a flower.”

He _wouldn’t_ lose him.

“Besides…” Oswald continued, a little less aggressive. “You were gone for a _while_.”

“I… I was, wasn’t I?” To be honest, he hadn’t really been paying attention. Sometimes that happened to him; time trickling by like a river while he only stared into space to see the stars. 

“And you don’t have dinner in your hands,” Oswald noted.

“Oh, yes,” he examined his palms, “Yes, they’re going to send it up.”

Oswald rolled his eyes then sighed. “I guess we’ll just have to make out until then.”

Ed found the smile was on his face before he asked for it. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Come now, Eddie,” Oswald flopped onto his front before throwing a coy look over his shoulder, “You know I’m always right.”

Ed laughed. Sank onto the bed beside him. “We’ll have to see about that.” He trailed his fingers up his arm like he was trying to memorise it.

Maybe he was.

“Yes, we’ll fucking see.” And Oswald grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him all the way in.

?¿?¿?

_“It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.” The figure snapped the book closed. “Wouldn’t you agree?”_

_Ed was falling until he wasn’t._

_Running until he was still._

_Loving until it was wrong._

_“What am I supposed to do?” He asked river water and gravedirt._

_He had no answer._

_“There’s nothing here for me,” Oswald was spitting in his face, pushing him against the wall and kissing him, then gifting him a knife to the ribs. “Be sure to keep that. You may need it.”_

_The bridges… they were **burning**_

_Down._

_Down._

_Down…_

_Ed landed on his back and he was looking at the sky. That was burning too, blackening the colours away. “Why couldn’t you have just **said something?** ”_

_He didn’t know what he meant or why he was asking in the first place._

_“You need to say something.”_

“Say something.”

_Learn to… to say something._

_Ed blinked, rolled over, blinked, rolled over, dirt piling up above him and he was… a corpse? Dead? Was he dead?_

_“ **I TOLD YOU,** ” And it was **him** , always him, “ **I WOULD KILL YOU.** ”_

_Maybe…_

_Maybe it was too late._

_Maybe this was over before it began._

_“No strings,” But honey, we’re **puppets** , “No mess,” But darling, we’re **filthy**._

_No harm done, huh?_

_Then why…_

_Why am I bleeding…_

_**Out?** _

?¿?¿?

Ed shivered awake, almost feeling like he fell from a great height only to land inside his body. Next to him, Oswald was awake.

“Everything okay?” He mumbled.

“Y-yeah,” Ed replied, turning onto his back to rub his eyes, “Everything’s fine.”

_Why is that a lie?_

“Good, because I’m ordering breakfast. Then we go back to the jewelry store, and then I think we should explore the hotel’s pool–”

“What do you mean, back to the jewelry store?” Ed sat up. “I-I thought we agreed to have a quiet day?”

Oswald frowned. “Yes. We did. But I want my stuff, Ed.”

Ed swallowed. “Well… what if he doesn’t have it?”

Oswald’s frown turned to a glower. “There’s only one way to find that out, _Ed_.” He leaned closer. “Is there a reason you don’t want me to get my stuff back?”

“What? No. No!” Ed gasped, brain working on hyperdrive to come up with an excuse, “I just thought… It’s my fault for forgetting the bags, so surely I should go to collect them! And… And while I do that you can… get a massage! Or use the sauna! T-take some time for yourself. Anything you want.”

Oswald continued to stare. Ed hoped he’d hold up.

The room was deathly quiet.

“Hmm,” Oswald finally responded, “I suppose that would be nice.”

“Yes! Yes, it would!”

“So, I guess we’ll have breakfast. Then you will leave. And I will be here. Alone.”

“Um…” Ed bit his tongue, “Yes?”

Oswald looked at him for another long second. “Okay, then. I guess that works.”

Ed tried not to make his relief too obvious, nodding before turning away. “So, ah, breakfast. What should we order?”

?¿?¿?

Ed left Oswald with the promise to be back soon and a kiss to the forehead.

Truthfully, he was terrified. If Oswald went anywhere with a TV or any chatterboxes, he could find out about the Tetch virus. Then, he’d want to leave and their short time together would be over. Then, it’d be back to midnight texting and crawling through windows. Back to booty calls and “this is just sex”.

Ed didn’t want just sex.

He wanted annoying shopping trips and dinner at the restaurant and eating in bed next to someone he… someone he loved. Not only did he want to fall asleep next to Oswald, he wanted to wake up next to him as well. Spend the day with him. Show him the care he deserved. Look after his leg. Try to… try to _prove_ that he meant it this time when he said “Anything”.

He did mean it. He was sure.

Ed was so focused on his thoughts, the drive to the jewelry store was simple, passing by in what felt like five minutes. He found a carpark and locked the doors, scarpering quickly into the shop.

“Hello, yes, me and my… my boyfriend were here yesterday, and I–”

“Ah, it’s you!” The shopkeeper remarked, clapping his hands. “Wait right there, I have your bags locked up in the back.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Ed gasped, leaning against the ring counter. “Thank you for keeping them safe.”

“It’s no problem,” the man called back.

Sighing to himself, Ed rested his head against the clear countertop, peering through the glass.

A dozen rings stared back at him.

One tiny placard caught his eye.

_Engagement rings_

Huh.

Ed had imagined it before, of course. All lovesick fools do.

Bobbi. His sweet features and occasional glances. Ed imagined proposing in the middle of class, standing up and swearing to never let him down.

Until Bobbi let him down.

Kristen. Her careful nature and rational thinking. He’d imagined it would be in her apartment, him on one knee with a diamond he couldn’t technically afford at the time, but dreams tend to go that way.

That’s all she was, though; a dream.

Isabella. She ticked all the hypothetical boxes. Walked the lines his mind had painted for “perfect”. He’d imagined a red-wine dinner and her hand in his.

But then she’d died. And perfect didn’t look so appealing anymore.

And now… now there was Oswald. Sharp knife, quick whip; Oswald. Shudder at his voice; Oswald. Addictive and dangerous. Savage and controlling. Unexpectedly kind. Loyal.

And the kind of person Ed wanted to keep. He could tie elastic around both their wrists, let him walk as far away as he liked, but with that incessant pull on his wrist, reminding him to return. 

But, knowing Oswald, he’d return with or without it.

Oswald Cobblepot.

Oswald Cobblepot.

It felt like his brain always came back to the same thing: Oswald Cobblepot. 

There really was no one else.

Ed looked back down at the glass cabinet, admiring a particularly captivating engagement ring. It sparkled up at him.

_Oswald Cobblepot. I should like to keep him._

“Um, sir?” Ed waved to get the shopkeeper’s attention, “Do you still have those list of ring sizes my boyfriend left with you?”

The man smiled like he knew. And Ed had never been so sure of a decision in his life.

?¿?¿?

Ed sat inside his parked car, palms sliding wetly on the steering wheel until he eventually settled them in his lap.

A ring. Or, more precisely, a pair of rings. One for each of them. An equal playing field.

But, lord, Ed was nervous. Now that the decision was made, he had no doubt in it. But that’s not what mattered now. Now he needed a _plan_. This was _Oswald Cobblepot_ : A man who deserved everything, let alone a decent proposal. Something personal. Something proper.

Ed nodded, slipping the ring-box into his pocket. He’d figure it out, he was sure of it.

Making sure to grab _all_ the bags this time, Ed made his way back into the hotel, looking around the foyer before hitting the button for the elevator.

All the hairs on the back of Ed’s neck stood on end.

“Hi there!”

Ed jumped, swinging around to face the Dirk person. “Oh, yes. Um. Hi.”

Dirk had a big wide grin which he quickly quietened before he spoke. “So, a few people came looking for you.”

“Oh?” Ed bit his tongue. Who knew he was here? “Did they give you a name?”

“No…” Dirk frowned before springing back up into a jarring smile again, “But I think Todd helped them find your boyfriend.”

Ed swallowed the dread that bubbled up like black sludge in his throat. “O-oh?”

“Yeah, I think they’re with him now.”

“Thank you, Mr. Gently, I’m just going to–” Ed immediately started slamming the button, over and over, willing the elevator to come down already. 

“No problem!”

_Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up._

The doors finally opened and Ed jumped inside, jabbing at the button to close the doors _faster, faster, faster._

The elevator shuddered into action, slowly climbing upwards. The bags on Ed’s arms were rustling in his arms, shaking like dry leaves in the autumn, threatening to fall from their branches.

The elevator continued to climb.

Perhaps Ed was reading this all wrong. No one knew they were here! Only… only those two Victors he and Oswald had run into their first night here. But Ed hadn’t seen them since then. Actually, there was a possibility it was really _them_ looking for Oswald.

But there was gooseflesh up and down Ed’s arms.

And his heart was thrumming like it knew.

And good things never last long with his _Nygma_ fingerprints stained all over it.

_Ding!_

The elevator doors opened and Ed ran.

The hallway stretched out like a nightmare, and Ed knew, no matter what, he would reach that room far too late.

The door wasn’t closed. It pushed open under his weight and he tumbled inside.

_Thud, thud, thud._

“Hello there, Eddie.” 

He righted himself and stared.

Six people. Nine guns.

One pointed straight between his eyes.

Oswald stepped forward and cocked his head. “Care to explain?”

Ed gasped for breath and looked around. Barbara’s guns were pointed at Zsasz and Oswald while Tabby’s were trained on Fries and a fear-stricken looking Todd who was sitting in a chair in the corner.

“O-Oswald, I-I…”

All eyes moved to him.

“I swear, I…”

Oswald moved closer.

“I can _explain._ ”

Ed had read somewhere that the biggest calamities in the world were not caused by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad but by people being fundamentally _people_.

But as his head smacked against the wall and his vision blurred, he began to disagree…

?¿?¿?

Ed stared at the key in the ignition. His vision was swimming and he sniffed, wiping his eyes.

“Drive to the fucking hospital, Nygma, or I swear, you’re dead!”

Everything was nothing. Just the look in Oswald’s eyes as he spoke. 

_“Get in your car and never come back.”_

Like a nightmare or something.

_“I don’t want to see you anymore.”_

Like it wasn’t even real.

“Ed, goddammit, _DRIVE!_ ” 

He turned the key and the car started. It was on instinct that his foot pressed on the gas pedal, lurching the car forward. He didn’t know where the nearest hospital in Star City was, but he’d find it.

He’d hoped that if he just did what Oswald wanted, maybe things would…

“Nygma, for fuck’s sake!”

He hadn’t even meant half the things he’d said! Well, maybe he’d meant some of it. But… not in a way that meant he _believed_ it. He just… thought maybe they were true. Were they true? God he hoped not.

“Put your foot down!”

He hadn’t even gotten a chance to explain it all. He… he thought it was obvious to Oswald how he felt, but now…

“Ed, it’s LEFT not RIGHT, dammit!”

Now, it looked like Ed hated him or something. Ed didn’t, he just… just…

“Wait here, Nygma, and don’t you fucking come in.”

He just hated that things weren’t easy. Hated that he couldn’t control this stuff. He hated that this was even _happening_.

“God.” Ed slammed his head against the steering wheel and something shifted in his pocket. His stomach dropped.

Like a villain or something equally condemned, he pushed his hand into his pocket. The velvet of the ring-box greeted him. For a moment, that was all it was: a velvet ring-box. Just a thing. Then suddenly it was a stolen forever and he couldn’t hold back anymore.

In the swallowed afternoon sun and the quiet of a empty car, Ed cried.

And the eyes in the corner _glared_.

_We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde_  
_Until I switched to the other side_  
_It's no surprise I turned you in_  
_'Cause us traitors never win_  
_I'm in a getaway car_  
_I left you in a motel bar_  
_Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys_  
_That was the last time you ever saw me_  
_Driving the getaway car_  
_We were flying_  
_But we'd never get far_  
_Don't pretend it's such a mystery_  
_Think about the place where you first met me_  
_In a getaway car,_  
_No, they never get far,_  
_No, nothing good starts_  
_In a getaway car_  


**Author's Note:**

> The next part will be coming soon, don't worry! I'm afraid the boys might be suffering for a bit. But bear with! There is a happy ending!
> 
> Thank you for reading! A kudos/comment would be greatly appreciated!


End file.
